I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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