put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No stitches, just platelets and will power
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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