Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
