Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
