Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
babies were throwing up all over the place
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
you had me at cake vodka
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
