This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
