Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
