So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Randomize
