i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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