I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
