Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
