Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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