Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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