I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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