Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
