I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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