I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
