i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
