So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize