the condom got lost in my hair
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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