we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
