why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
