I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
