Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
