So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
