I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
