Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
love makes seman taste better
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
