I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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