The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
What drink are we having for lunch?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
