I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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