i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
