walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
