The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
