Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
