remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
