He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
