come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
