mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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