Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Of course I have a pirate flag
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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