You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
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Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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