Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
