Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize
