who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
