Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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