the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
