Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
