Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
