areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
