Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
