She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
