college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
