Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
