I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
