If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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