i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
