I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
