it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
