3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
