Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize