ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
