Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
