We're like a lot better than the average bears
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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