I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
